Normally I am not the kinda guy to consider age as a factor to determine what a person is capable of and he/she is not.

But of late I have started to doubt my own abilities as I came near to this age, 25. (once more for effect, Twenty Five!!!)

The Reason for this is only One Statement and One Promise I made to myself when I was 15.

The Statement.

A good decade ago, when I was in 10th, the Sir who helped me prepare for my Board Exams, had on one fine day due to some reason or another went on to lecture the responsibility a youth is supposed to have.

Like any teenager and most of my batch mates present there, I didn’t pay much attention to what he was saying, all the things he said that day are a blur to me today. All but One Statement.

He had said,”Think when You are in your twentys, 24-25, the age when your suppose to earn and and help out your parents at home… you ask your father for pocket money… Imagine the Shame!”. 

He continued to say a few more things but my mind had started to phase out by then. I started to think about how shameful it really would be, to be that age and ask Dad for pocket money. The thought repelled me. It was not something I wanted, not something I hoped was written in my future.

The Promise.

I promised myself, “No Matter what Happens I would never let this happen to me.”

But today when I see myself struggling to complete my graduation or be it, to maintain a normal day-to-day life, I have to ask myself, “Have I kept the promise to myself?”.

The answer is unknown to me today and now that I think about it its too late to even be asking this question.

The Problem(s).

For the past 6 years all I have done is recuperate. The most difficult part was to get back on my feet, walk. As strange as it sounds, a normal person learns to walk once in his/her lifetime, I, on the other side of being normal, learned to walk 3 times. Once when I was a toddler, like normal, the second time was after my surgery when I was 13, and again, last year when I started recovering from the 104 degree fevers, nausea, bedsores and muscle degeneration due to being inactive. 

Luck favored me when I got a job as the Accountant of the Housing Society I live in, so that part saved me from asking for pocket money. Not that I needed a lot of money to splurge and truth be told, being at home, most of the time saves a ton of cash. I agree, I may not be helping out at home as much as I want to, not that Dad cant cover the expenses, but me being Me and having made this promise, really wish I could do more.

What do I do? I come to Mumbai to finish my Graduation, hoping that it would help me earn more and better, but even a graduation is not enough, you need Masters to get a job which can actually get you a place in society. SO Graduation and Masters takes another 4 years, do I really have 4 more years just to get my first job? or do I stop my studies completely and start working with Dad as an Insurance Agent (fyi, this is my backup plan, Plan B). Or do I just complete my Graduation and get professional certificates, start working and maybe do my Masters with it (this Plan A).

All this is just related to education and career, but there’s much much more (many things I don’t wanna write about, not today anyway) that help me, put myself in doubt. A doubt which makes me think what will I achieve? How will I achieve it?

The problem being that no matter what the world says to me about being strong or brave, all cause I have managed to stand on my own two feet again, its not enough.

The Conclusion.

I want more, a lot more. I want to do everything I wish to do. And work hard to achieve it. My wishes are not unreasonable and they can be fulfilled. All I need is the strength, more mental and less physical, to get myself through it.

As I near the end to this post (thank god), I realized that due to some reason, call it luck, fate, intervention by God(maybe if he/she exists) the promise was kept. I don’t have to ask Dad for money, well not as mush as would have had to if I didn’t have the part-time job.

So this post help me realize a promise, today I wish to make another, I promise I will not have to settle for anything less than my want, my desire, my wish and like I said, my wants are not unreasonable.

Thanks for reading(if you did).

A few nights back, I was watching Midnight In Paris a Woody Allen Movie (sure most of you would know that). The only reason I was watching the movie was cause a friend had mentioned it on Facebook and I got a little curious.

In the Movie, Gil , a Hollywood Writer writing a novel, obsessed with Paris in the 20’s (and in the rains)(the character is convincingly played by Owen Wilson(who reminded me a lot of Woody Allen)). One Night he decides to walk down the streets of Paris for some fresh air. At midnight, while he is trying to find his way back to the hotel, he is offered a ride in an old (read 1920’s) Peugeot and ends up time travelling to Paris in the 20’s (How? Why? No reason given and its Not Important). While in the 20’s he meets various historic artists, one of them being Ernest Hemingway (very nicely played by Corey Stoll, a actor who I never knew existed even though I had seen him before in a few movies playing small parts, anyway I am not going into anymore detail, if u want to find out then rent the movie and watch it. )

As Gil gets into a conversation about writing with Hemingway, Hemingway tells him, “No subject is terrible if the story is true, if the prose is clean and honest, and if it affirms courage and grace under pressure.”

Now, I went through this review of the movie just for this line.

I had stopped writing, yes I know I only wrote 3 post but I didn’t find them good enough. But when I heard this line in the movie I was immediately inspired to write. I figured I am writing crap and its crap that I am writing for myself, so what the hell, why shouldn’t I write? Besides someone might actually read it and might even like it.

And to top it of, as a sign from the Universe, someone actually complimented my blog. I was compelled to write again.

So to bottom line it, I am going to write as often as possible and about the most random things (read crap), as long as the story is true, the prose is clean and honest. Though I am not sure how I’ll affirm courage and grace under pressure but I can always try. 

Hope you like it. 

If you don’t know what this means, then you probably have been living under a rock for the past week, don’t have access to internet or have other better things to do (unlike me and 8 million other people)… either way you have missed out on a fairly catchy and possibly the best song from the south yet. You can listen to it here… better late then never.

7 Cool Things about this song:

1.      Kolaveri Di~ literally translates to ‘Murderous rage or blood thirst’

2.      It’s a song about heart break and being dumped but still it makes you smile.

3.      The music is too damn catchy.

4.      Shruti Hassan.

5.      Expressions of Dhanush(singer).

6.      I’m sure all guys (or as Dhanush calls them, ”Soup Boys”) can relate to it.

7.      Every time I check it on Youtube the view count has increased by  a million   or more hits. (Thursday it was 3 million by Monday morning its 8 million).

Since a lot has already written or said about this song I feel I cannot say anything new about it… But the song is awesome and I had to write something… So this is all I got…

                       Hope you like it.

I got the idea for this post from when I was browsing through a friend’s blog (thanks) and thought “hey, that’s what I should have started with…” So, here I am writing… 25 things you may wanna know about me… or as I call it 25 things I care to share… 

Why? Well cause I want you to know me and also cause some of these thing might be help you (whoever “you” are) understand the future posts.

1.       I suffer from a type of spinal bifida and have use crutches to walk. I have been through 7 operations, all of which were major surgeries. And each time I came off worse than before.

2.       I am only 5’4 and I hate the fact that I never grew taller.

3.       I am Movie and TV Show buff, spend most of my free time watching something on my PC or laptop. It helps me get away from the day-to-day crap around me.

4.       I am Single and have never had a relationship. The above reasons might apply.

5.       I am lucky enough to have the best family, the best relatives and the best friends in this whole universe and all possible universes out there.

6.       I am logical and reasonable , a.k.a. a Man.

7.       I am a gr8 listener (yes ladies, I am the prefect guy).

8.       I am an agnostic.

9.       I am extremely nonviolent and non-confrontational person. But I am short tempered when it comes to my brother and mother (my only 2 punching bags, love you both).

10.   Now, I am wondering why I wrote all these ‘I Am’s’.

11.   I believe, People by default can be good.

12.   I have been through enough to know how much physical and mental pain a person can bare and how easy it can be to give up. What matters is whether you choose to overcome the pain or love to live with it.

13.   I can keep a secret.

14.   I would never share anything about me easily, you’ll have to prove your worth.(yea I am writing this blog to improve).

15.   I cannot hold a grudge.

16.   I think I have OCD. Nothing serious… just bothered by little things.

17.   The one thing that bothers me most is the thought of being helpless.

18.   I hate lying for no good reason…I believe if you have to lie make sure it’s worth it.

19.   I would like to call myself amateur photographer. Others, however, would not.

20.   I can never, not complete reading a book or a book series or leave a book half read…. if i do then it haunts me every day. (right now Cryptonomicon is haunting me).

21.   I want to do sky diving and bungee jumping. No Matter What IT Takes.

22.   Dancing is something I really wish I could do, especially with My Special Girl. (Whenever I find her)

23.   I am a foodie, I’d go to gr8 lengths for good food.

24.   I am a Romantic.

25.   I am totally clueless about where is blog is going, what I wanna do in the future , what my aims and goals are…. So basically I am clueless about my life.

These are some things about me.  Not much but not too many.

                                Hope you like it.      

All this time I’ve been thinking about starting a blog and writing, not cause I am SO damn good that people just gotta read every Pearl of Wisdom that comes to my mind or cause everyone and their pets have a blog these days, but cause I wanna Write and what better place to do it than the Internet.

I’ll try and write anything or everything that comes to my mind. Since that surely won’t be a good thing, I’ll try(again) and restrain my self for the sake of this World. (See, How much I Care for the World?) As for now I’ll just stick with an introduction.

I am Stavan.

I am just your average next-door-neighbor kinda guy who leads a rather dull, boring and confused life. Sure you have heard a million people say that they live boring lives and I wont be trying to top them in any way.

Now that we have that out of our way, lets start with something serious, I must admit beforehand that I am not a writer, as you’ve come to know as you read so far and also from my future blogs(Yea, I do intend to do continue), but like millions out there I want to be heard(read). I have a lot to say(write).

I will also be using Tumblr to post some of my less than amateur Photographs and reblog somethings I like or find interesting.

I know I said I had a lot to say but I don’t know where to start from, ironic huh?? So, in the mean time I came up with this shit. Not too much, but not too bad either. What do you think?

                 Hope you all liked it.